Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
