You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
