my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
