in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
