the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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