you guys were way drunker than both of me
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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