Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
