I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
