he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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