Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
