You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
