Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
