Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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