I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
