The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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