YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
