Already got asked if we're dating
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
