Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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