She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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