I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
