I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
