You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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