Moan for me like Helen Keller
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize