Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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