I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
