We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
