I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
