omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
