WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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