He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
