I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
