I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
