It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
