Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize