I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
