yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
