Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
