I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
