i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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