She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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