i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
