youre lurking in front of me
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
