matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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