were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
