I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize