my vag is so smooth its legendary
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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