idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
