I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Also, beer. Big fan.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I pour the whiskey from now on
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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