Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
