is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
