He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
