I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
