On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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