Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
