I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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