C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
