I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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