my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
