I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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