it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
