Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize