i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
