There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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