He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I love how my cats smell like pot.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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